Dragged Up, Not Brought Up: A Parent’s Reflection on the State of Parenting Today

Parenting has never been easy. But lately, I’ve started to wonder: have some people just given up entirely?

There’s a difference between bringing children up and letting them grow up wild, and right now, it feels like too many kids are being dragged up without discipline, accountability, or even a hint of respect for others. It’s not about being perfect. We all struggle, we all get it wrong sometimes. But when you refuse to even try to do the right thing - when you defend your child’s worst behaviour instead of confronting it - that’s when I worry.

Recently, my own son, who has already been through far more than any child should due to early childhood trauma, was attacked. Not by some nameless group of troublemakers - though that would have been bad enough - but by a group of girls. One of them, heartbreakingly, was my own daughter.

There’s no hiding from that. No sugarcoating it. As parents, my partner and I have dealt with it. Heavily. Because we will not tolerate bad behaviour, no matter who it’s coming from. Love doesn’t mean letting things slide. Love means facing things head-on, even when it hurts.

I’m grateful that a couple of the other parents involved had the decency to do the right thing. They made sure their children apologised, and they themselves were respectful and calm. That meant something. It showed a level of understanding - that yes, their kids made a mistake, but they were willing to address it, not excuse it. Whether or not they chose to further sanction their children is up to them, but I appreciated the apology. I appreciated the accountability.

But then there was the other one - you know the type. Feral kids, feral parenting. No apology, no concern, just aggression and excuses. We’ve all seen them. Parents who defend everything their child does, no matter how vile, as if the world is just out to get them. The kind of people who raise children without boundaries, without consequences, and without any awareness of how their behaviour affects others.

And this is where it gets even more disturbing.

Both myself and Zoe - and others too - have been spoken to by some of these kids in an absolutely disgusting way. No respect. No filter. Just venom. And what’s worse? They know they can get away with it. We've seen groups of kids surrounding adults in the street, threatening them, throwing punches, acting like they run the place. Because they know no one's going to stop them. Because they’ve grown up around adults who behave exactly the same way - adults with the emotional intelligence of a brick and the IQ of a sponge.

Back in our day, we’d never have dared speak to an adult like that. We’d never have thought about swinging for someone just because they told us “no.” But this new wave? They see that sort of behaviour modeled at home. And it shows. Loudly.

I’m not a fan of Social Services. In fact, in many cases I outright loathe the way they operate. But even I’ll admit - they need to step in here. Something has to give. Because these kids aren’t just making mistakes, they’re growing into a threat to others and to themselves. And if no one intervenes now, we’ll all be dealing with the consequences in a few years - and it’ll be far too late to fix.

And here’s the honest truth: I no longer care if someone else’s child ends up being reported to the police as a result of their behaviour. If it takes a conviction for them to finally learn right from wrong, then so be it. Oh well. How sad. Never mind. Maybe you should have thought about their future before they hurt someone else’s. I for one will pursue every single legal and lawful avenue to protect my child. I will not hesitate. I owe him that much.

Thankfully, my son is moving on to a different comprehensive school this September. A better one. One that isn’t even in our catchment area - but they accepted him anyway because I believe they saw something in him. During his transition days they saw his drive, his ambition, and his potential. My son wants to get on in life. He’s intelligent, thoughtful, and passionate about subjects like geography and meteorology. He already has dreams of studying them seriously in the future. That school sees him - not just as another number - but as someone who can thrive and achieve. Unlike the local high school, which has failed too many, this one offers hope. A future.

We can’t control how others parent. But we can lead by example. We can hold our own kids to a standard that might not be fashionable these days but is still vital - compassion, accountability, and decency.

Parenting isn’t just about raising children. It’s about shaping the adults they’ll become.

And I, for one, am not here to drag mine up.

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